Microtransactions

So, after a few flights and some amazing articles in SkyMall and other mile high material, I came across a pretty interesting article. Everyone who has used MySpace and Facebook at this point have seen the apps they have to offer. For those of you lost to the world, they are the small games and nonsense that social networking has to offer. Apparently a company called Zynga, responsible for Farmville, Mafia Wars and many others, are using something called "micro-transactions". Apparently what is taking place, and this is based off the article because it sounds absurd, is that people can purchase "in-game items" from virtual retailers. Take Farmville for instance, if you want to purchase a cow and cannot wait to earn the money in the game, you can use your VISA to make a $1 purchase for virtual coins. It doesn't sound like much, but they made $30 Million last year and are expected to triple their profits by the end of next year. WHY IN THE FUCK DIDNT I THINK OF THIS. How hard could this be? These games have NO 3D programming whatsoever. There is little to no animations, just simple buttons and graphics. I think we need to get in on this why its hot. So if there is anyone out there that wants to help come up with a cool game and help me write it, let me know...

Current Trip

Headed back, again..

Well, here I sit at Chicago O'hare Intl. Airport. I arrived at my flight in OKC on time as usual. This time it was particularly hard to say goodbye. I dont know what it is, but when Billie cries, it tears me apart. I mentally prepared myself for what was going to happen, but it doesn't help. i think if you truly love someone then there is nothing that can help the heartache. I know I continue to say this, but I AM REALLY TIRED OF LEAVING MY FAMILY. I dont know why I put that in caps like that. Well, anyway, I am at the airport. I made it out of OKC hassle free for once. No running, no waiting, just smooth transition from earth to 36,000ft with no issues. But I get into Chicago where I normally have some major issue and all hell breaks loose.

1630 - The plane that I am on lands about 24 minutes early. I could only imagine how he made it so fast becuase it felt like we were hauling some major ass up there. You wouldn't think one of those small Embraer Jets can bank like a F35 Joint Strike Fighter, but I will attest that it most certainly can. We get out of the plane, I dont even have to go through security to get to my new gate. I sit back, eat a sandwich and enjoy my life.

Well, about 5:30, I decide to go and ask why we haven't begun to board the aircraft. This bitch tells me that they had to move the gate from B7 to B25 which sounds close, but in airport terms, those fucking gates are like a 1/4 mile apart it seems. So now I have to run my ass off which completely goes against everything I was going for here (told you something would happen at Chicago). I make it to the gate at 5:57 which is about oh 3 minutes before departure and they wont let me on. I basically was told to go fuck myself and go to customer service. After another 3mi walk I meet this wonderful young lady who was apparently molested as a child and beaten everyday since. She gives me the "I dont care, Im from Chicago" attitude (on the record, i dont know what that is, but she was a bitch. She says "we can get you on a flight at 9:45 to Washington D.C. but you connection to Kuwait City is at 10:00PM". So I am like "you mean I have 15 minutes to make a connecting flight"? Her response was great. "No sir, you have plenty of time, thats 10:00PM tomorrow night". I wish I had the floating mario cloud and camera to take a picture of my face sometimes. For those of you skimming my bible here, that means I have a 24hour layover in Washinton D.C. tonight and nowhere to go. Looks like I will be visiting the nations capitol, smithsonian and other monuments. Hey, you think that Obama will have a beer with me since I am all veteran and shit? Anyways, stay tuned for the next part of fiasco.

1230 AM, 24th - So I awoke to find myself on the plane, alone. I guess I shouldn't have had those beers and Tylenol PM in Chicago. Well, not a big deal, God knows I have plenty of time to get to my next flight. I make it through the airport with one leg asleep. It feels like a movie where I am walking slow and everyone is blazing by. No one is at the counters so i have to sit it out until about 6AM. Guess I will find a place to sleep for now..

6:45 - Well, I managed to get my ass back up. I dont think you have experienced joy until you sleep with your head on a baggage carousel in Washington DC. I feel great. There are a few people here now. I talked to a very nice lady who ended up apologizing a million times for what happened in Chicago. They were going to comp me business class, but I am not ACTIVE DUTY (oh this shit again). But she hooked me up with a nifty seat in 30A. For those of you who dont know the layout of a Boeing 747-200/400 that well, that would be an emergency row window seat. That is like the coolest spot on the plane. I have plenty of leg room, my own tray/tv and first on the slide in the event of some catastrophic bullshit. Thats better than first class. So basically I can just sit here in the terminal until this evenings flight. I am going to venture outside some, but I am about 25mi from the White House and crap. I am sure I will have something to add soon though..

12:11 - Well, I am still here as you might have suspected. I have organized all of my music though so that is sweet. it could have been avoided if I had known you could un-check the box in iTunes that copies and organizes for you. Oh Apple, you tricky pricks. I did however see what appeared to be a tranny in 4in heels with a mess of Louis Vuitton luggage. You must really want to be a woman walking through Intl. Airports in shoes like that. Adams apple, dead give away man..

This is another entry. This is during my most recent trip home for the leave of absence I took. I love how it abruptly ends with me drunk in Dubai. What a lazy piece of shit. This one actually ended up with me almost missing a connection in Chicago of all places. I dont know why they like to see me run there. Oh well, enjoy..

My journey home.

Well, it's about 9pm on Saturday. I finally booked my flight for Wednesday at 1230 in the afternoon. Truth be told I am terrified of flying and I don't know why. But I am going through Dubai this time So I don't have to go through Ali Asaleem. I have a 7hr flight into London and then off the Chicago at O'Hare Intl. I went through there last time and it's pretty nice. Good place to get a drink on the way down I need to get about 50 dollars in either ones or 5's so I can get some booze on the flyby. That will be pretty nice. Perhaps I'll take some Tylenol PM's and knock my white ass out, we'll see.

I showed up to the pax terminal, well the DFS terminal, and they lady polierly told us that there was a mechanic issue with the flight last night and we cannot leave. Wow, I ha a connecting flight out of Dubai at 0135 in the morning. I wonder how much this is going to cost us.

I called expedia and they told me that it would be 750 to change my ticket including a 150 fee for changing it. The man told me that I could call American Airlines and they might wave the fee to change my ticket. They asked me for my commanding officers name and phone number. After explaining that I don't have a commanding officer, they told me that because I am not active duty I do not qualify for the discount. I said " you mean to tell me that I have military orders, a military ID card, I'm a combat veteran and work in the same hostile environment, I don't qualify for the discout. She said " I am sorry mr. Burris but I do not make the rules". I polierly suggest that they reconsider changing they're name from American to Communist Airline. She hung up. This of courses after she quoted me 900 to change it. I called expedia back and they told me that I never called them. I shouted the American airlines number and asked her how in the fuck do you think I got this, perhaps I'm physic. She said they cannot do anything with my flight cause American airlines locked out my ticket, whatever the hell that means. I hung up and called AA back. I told her to just change the ticket. She said she would wave the fee and told me it was 881.00. Accordig to the reciept it was not 881 and not only did she charge the fee, she also charged a 20 external service charge, whatever the fuck that means.

Well now I'm drunk in Dubai. Sitting Here at Pint 19 doing nothing but drinking a Corona, and chatting on YIM with my wife.

Older entry I found

Here is another entry I found. This was written a while back. I had just gotten married and am now returning to Bagram AB in Afghanistan. I warned you about the language..

1751 Friday - OKC Airport, Gate 7

So I just had to say goodbye to my wife, again. As I grow older there are some things in life that I will never understand. The dilemma in questions is " why in the fuck do I do this". I hate being overseas, I hate being in the desert and most of all I hate being away from my family. I don't get it. I mean if this is all for peace of mind and the abilitly to provide for my family than I will shut up. But this really sucks. Nothing hurts more than to see Billie cry and I had to watch it again. It sucks. I always feel like I am breaking her heart somehow. God knows I have done enoUgj of that. But here I go again on what I imagine will he another epic adventure destined to fuck with me mentally some how. I'm sure..

2000 Friday - Chicago's O'Hare international airport

Well boys and girls this is it. I just polished off two Jack & cokes for a whopping $6.50 a piece. I am about to leave the states again and I am seriously doubting if I really want to go now. Is this worth it. I mean you can't come hoMe and blow $13,000 and not expect to have to pay for it right? Wait, isn't that what the first 5 months were for. Oh well, I bought a $12k ring and a PS3 so fuck it. Oh, and let's not forget this nifty ass iPhone 3GS.

1655 Friday - Ahhman Jordan

First off let it be known tha jordanian people smell like dog shit. Now with that being said. I am sittting in the Royal Jordanian airport waiting outside of gate 7 for my flight into Kuwait City. It's about 1815 right now and I don't feel like getting in line to board the the plane just yet. I miss my family and at this juncture in the road I don't know if I will do this for very much longer. I love what I do and I love the money as well, but I love my family even more. Coming over the ocean I sat next to a guy that was about 250-300lbs and took up the whole seat. He was so large that the armrest between us rested at a mean 45 degree angle. What happened to the airlines charging large people for the second seat. Then the Arabic woman next to me kept backing her ass into me like it was a fucking Nelly video. Oh well. I am writing this sitting at a Jordanian Starbucks coffee franchise on my iPhone. Imagine that, having a white chocolate mocha with the very people that harbor terrorism. And they say they hate the western world. Well I will continue this in a moment. I need to get on my flight.

1800 Friday - 36,000ft above the dead sea

Okay so they didn't have a direct access jetway. We had to actually go outside where it was about 130 degrees on the runway and take a bus (see video). Every one of the guys on there smelled like eight cans of shark shit. It was awful. But I am in the plane now. First class had USB docks to charge iPhones and whatnot. Bunch if shit if you ask me. I think this is about a two hour flight into KWI and I have about 40% battery left on the phone right now so I will add more then. Oh you know how in America when a Arab person gets on a plane and everyone gives them that " I know your a fucking terrorist" look? Well that's what it's like for white boy Josh in Jordan. I need an exit strategy and in a bad way. Until then.. Well we finally landed about 12 minutes late. What do I care though right? I still have to get to the base and sign up for a flight back into Afghanistan. I will see what happens though. I am just happy to get off this plane after such a long ass flight. It's starting to smell in here and everyones ringtone is a variation of Michael Jackson or FloRida. The eastern world loves them some hip hop. Well more to come, we are debarking.

2100 Saturday - KWI Passport Visa Line...blah

I currently hold ticket 466. Now serving 411. This is just to get my visa and I still have to find a way to the base. You thought the plane smelled like shit, welcome to Kuwait city. Almost a half hour later and I am still waiting. Fuck. 2150 it just dawned on me. If I were waiting for another flight I would be fucked

22:13 Friday - Kuwait international airport

Well I fianlly finally got my passport stamped. Made it to the bottom of the airport where customs is. Paid 3 Kuwaiti dinar for my visa. Thank god I found the signs that lead to the military DOD desk. So I got checked in at the desk and they said that I will have to take a shuttle to the APOD which means nothing to me. Apparently it's about a 30 minute drive past the base. Then I have to wait for another shuttle which comes at 0200hrs. I chose option 2 which invloves taking a cab for about 50 USD. This will drop me off right at tent 3 which is where I need to in-process and signed up for a space-a flight into Bagram. Basically this means I am done with this shit. If this is what I am going to go throgh getting in and out of a warzone then fuck this job really. This is too much work. More to follow.

2300 Friday - Kuwait international airport

Well here I am. Back in another starbucks. These middle eastern folks are so full of shit here. Too bad I don't have 3G service. Wouldn't that be great. I tried to get onto the WiFi but no go right outta the rip son.

2350 Friday - Backseat of a van, Kuwait City

I am sitting inthe back seat of AGT carrier services white ford van in front of some scary ass building in downtown Kuwait. Maybe they are delivering some smack. I better remain vigilant though. Best not get shot in the face, well atleast while I am not looking.

0040 Saturday - Scary fucking place

We are on the move again. I don't know what I would have done if that situation had gone differently. A quick inventory of the van proves to be less fruitful than imagined. All I was able to find was an old fire extenguisher. I could have uses it as a weapon though. I don't really know what I imagined would go bad there, but you pull up to some sheiks house in Kuwait City at 1240 in the morning and then you can tell me how safe it feels.

0145 Saturday - Outside the front gate, Checkpoint 1

So here I am at the security checkpoint. It took about 45 minutes to traverse the hectic streets of Kuwait off into Fahra. I have just been searched and am currently waiting on the Air Force to clear my drivers vehicle. If I have learned anything from this is that I may only make one last trip out if here and that will be to reurn home. Making this journey is such a pain in the ass that is hardly justifiable anymore. Indont mean that in a way where going home is not worth it but this type of lifestyle is too stessfull. Now that I am married I want to go home.

0345 Saturday - Kuwait

Well I am at AliASaleem and I have turned in my passport. There is a 24hr turn around so I can't even manifest for a flight until 2000 this evening. That coupled with no towel, no blanket and a 12 degree tent. This is going to be bullshit I can already see that. I did get to call momma from the dsn phone so that is awesome.

0452 Saturday - Kuwait

Came outside to get out of the cold as dumb as that sounds. There is some guy sitting next to me with a British accent but he is wearing US Army PT's. Weird. They seem to be having a conversation about basic training and who gives a shit. I hate the army.

0500 Saturday - Kuwait

Going back to the tent to get away from societies nonsense. I hate America. Not only is that the worst but the sun came up. So as of 0500 this morning it's already 102 degrees in direct light, my iPhone won't obtain gps readings and I think I have some kind of summer cold. Hopefully it's not this N1H1 flu goin around that everyone is wearing masks like a fucking SARS epidemic. We will see how this pans out. Either way I want to go back to momma.

1155 Saturday - Kuwait

Well I was just ubruptly woken out of some decent sleep in the worst sweat I have ever experienced. Apparently the gen mechanics decided to do some maintenance on the gen that runs our row of tents. This of course killed the A/C and the tent went from the comfortable inside temp of 71 degress to the current outdoor temp of to 131 in about 30 minutes. In a sudden act of desperation I stripped to all but my underwear and prepared for the long haul. I am not sure what time the air actually came back on but thank god it did. I think I am going to try and get some more sleep.

2000 Saturday - Kuwait

I went to pick up my passport and they finally stamped me out of this god forsaken country. I signed up for a flight this evening but it doesn't look like there is going to be anything leaving yet. I am not sure what number I am on the list, but it doesn't look good.

2200 Friday - Kuwait

I went back up to make a call and wait to see who is on the list. Not reallly sure what number I am but it does not look good. 2230 comes around and they announce they have 3 seats available on an aircraft. How do you have a multi-million dollar aircraft that can carry two M1-A1 Abrams tanks or four humvees and end up with only 3 seats available. Either way I got screwed. The worst part is I waited to hear them release a forth seat and I almost got called. Hopefully at 0600 no one shows up and I can get on a plane. If not there are about 4 flights this afternoon.

0010 Monday - Kuwait

Nothing going on at this time. Not really sure why I felt the need to type all of this crap except I am bored. Either way I am just hanging out re-watching some episodes of The Office freezing my ass off thinking about going to get some pizza.

0345 Monday - Kuwait

I decided to go get some food. The bad side is that I ended up eating MacDonalds, but the good side is that I found a free WiFi spot outside the USO. So now that I got to check my email I feel a little bit better. I really wish that my Skype App would have worked in my phone. Then I could have used Skype to call home. I think that they are blocking the ports needed to connect to the server cause even Gmail won't find the IMAP server.

0405 Monday - Kuwait

So I am sitting here in the tent contemplating on how exactly I am going to handle this IBA and Kevlar situation. On one hand I should just go up and tell them the truth that I flew into Qatar with TF373 which is the SOCOM guys and they did not require me to have my gear. Or do I violate one of my own rules and steal a helmet and vest. I hate to do this to someone but I don't know what to do. I will have to think about this one for a while. I am not really sure what I am going to do. This really sucks

0537 Monday - Kuwait

I am back in the pax terminal. It's about 20 minutes until they call this flight. I am still in a dilemma over whether or not to take someones gear. I am thinking that if I just tell them about the situation maybe they will say fuck it. Oh the agony. I hate kharma and I know it will come back. Surley I am not the only person in the history of deployments that this has happened too. We will see, eithe way if I don't make this flight I am going back and going to sleep. I left my towel and blanket on the bed. Small sacrifice if I make it out of this fucking place and get back in the shit.. Really?

0752 Monday - Kuwait

So it turns out I made it on the flight leaving at 1000hrs so that is pretty boss. I think I am going to bring that word back. I also happened to fix the equipment situation by visiting the lost and found. I managed to get a helmet and vest that is covered in dust so it appears it may have been there for a while. Any way I can justify my crime to myself would be great. Either way I am on that fucking flight.

0835 Monday - Kuwait

So apparently kharma has taken it's toll. While I was in the bathroom they called the final roll call for my flight and I missed it. The next flight is at 1530 and I think it has no seats available. I should have just held it. God damn it. The worst part is that they called another guys name and he didn't answer. Ol Josh Burris decided to male a comment like " sometimes you should just hold it" I'm such a dipshit.

0855 Monday - Kuwait

Well the lady at the pax terminal basically told me to fuck off. She put me back on the list where I was but I only made it on the flight becuase 30 people didn't show. Does that make me number 1 or 30 now? Who knows. I am going to lay down and try not to beat myself up over this. Shit happens for a reason I suppose. Best try to lay down and not think about it. According to the board the seat list is TBD which is good. They had 35 people on the last one.

1536 Monday - Kuwait

Well i just saw the guy that I told I was in the bathroom and they left on the other flight anyways. Turns out that they got all the way to the airfield and even on the plane. Before take off they found out they were 10,000 lbs over weight. How does that sneak up on you? If you have two tanks stacked on one another, chances are you might be over weight right? Who knows. All I know is that I am mentally breaking the fuck down. I misS my wife so bad right now all I want to do is go home and lay down. That and they announced there are 0 seats for the Bagram flight. That's fucking wonderful.

1600 Monday - Kuwait

So after finding out that there are no seats on the 1545 flight and not making it on my other flight I returned to my tent to find out that someone stole my blanket. What in the fuck is this world coming to? I know you may be thinking " but Josh, you stole that helmet and Kevlar right?" wrong. This is a blanket, I took something from the lost and found that has probably been here since the gulf war. Originally when I opened the bag the zipper got stuck so I had to use a lighter to melt through the plastic and this slightly burned the corner of the blanket. I saw new bags on one of the bunks in the tent and a nicely folded blanket next to it. Well, folded the way that I fold shit. I looked at the corners since no one was there and would you beleive there was a burnt corner on it? Well I took that shit and layed down to finally get some sleep. Well about 45 minutes later I am awoken by someone asking if I took their blanket. I jumped out of the bed and was like " you have got to be fucking kidding me, this is my blanket dude". I showed him the burn on the corner of the blanket and he said fuck it and turned around and walked away. The only way you would have known to ask me is if ou were the one to steal my shit in the first place right? Well, that's my logic anyways.

2230 Monday - Kuwait

Well they called the names off the list and I am not on that shit go figure. I think I am going to switch my flight from Bagram to Kandahar and see if I can catch a flight from there instead. Maybe a helicopter or some shit. It's got to be easier to get from once place to another once I'm actually in Afghanistan right? We will see. All I know is that there is nothing leaving until tomorrow night and I don't know if I can wait that long.

0436 Tuesday - Kuwait

So I turns out that I can be eligible for Kandahar flights and if I don't make it out I can still keep my place on the Bagram manifest for the evening flight. I have never been to Kandahar but I think it should be fairly easy to get from there to BAF right?

0550 Tuesday - Kuwait

So they finally do the roll call for Kandahar and there are 7 people that raise their hands. As a matter of fact I am wriing this from on the plane right now. We have been sitting on the runway for about an hour but atleast I am on the plane at this point. There is only one of us that is staying in Kandahar. The rest are going to Bagram which is nice. Good to finally feel like I'm not alone on this journey. Still doesn't fix my poor disposistion though. I guess I am just an angry young man.

0914 Tuesday - Somewhere over hell

Well I am about 13,000ft above a war torn country. Well crossing one going into another. I don't know why I have such a sinking feeling in my stomach but I do. I think I am just ready to get off this flight.

1554 Tuesday - Kandahar

So I finally made it into Kandahar and checked in for a flight. They had nothing going out with the air force but the canadians have a cargo plane going to bagram in about an hour so this appears to have been a good idea. I ran into my buddy Aaron Wilkerson at the terminal so that was nice to see a familiar face.

1406, Tuesday - Kandahar

So we finally made it onto the plane but can't leave just yet. They plane is set up to carry 160 passengers and there are four of us on the plane. The pilot came down to talk to us and said that the BOG ( Bitches on the ground ) say that we cannot depart ahead of time. We have about an hour and a half on the ground before we take off. The flight crew is going to eat and they said that we can chill out here in the plane needless to say i snuck up into the cockpit come on, i am still a iid at heart you can leave me with a million dollar plane and expect me not to fuck with it right? But, even with the waiting I really don't care as long as this flight still goes. I think that the best part of this trip has been getting the hell out of Kuwait and finally getting to move around. I have never seen Kandahar so this is pretty cool. The Americans inside the pax terminal were really just a bunch of assholes, but the French Canadian woman that got us on the flight was delightfull. It was nice to see someone actually give a shit for once and not treat you like another number in a head count. Well folks, hopefully I have nothing more to add after this and can get a chance to lay down before my triumphant return to Bagram. Over and motherfuckin out!

1717, Tuesday - Row 4 of a C17

Well the flight crew is back from dinner and we are lighting the tires and... I really don't know how that saying goes. All I know is I get to do some really cool shit, I have a great family and the most beautiful wife a man could ask for. Until the next epic journey ladies and gentleman.